AOL have recently updated their help service, for more information on this check out the website AOL Online Help Service
AOL Help: Step-by-step escalation process
Our step-by-step escalation process is designed to allow issues to be resolved as soon as possible, and to ensure that ownership and responsibility is taken by frontline agents as close to the source as possible.
If your problem is resolved before it becomes a formal complaint, you can rest assured that valuable feedback is still derived from your experience and is vital to the development of AOL. So you can make a difference even without making a formal complaint!
To ensure that your complaint is resolved, please follow this process. It is useful to keep a record of what representative you spoke to, when you spoke to them and what your perspective of the conversation was.
Step 1: Member Services
Call Member Services on 0870 3 20 20 20 to enable an appropriate agent to resolve your issue.
Step 2: Supervisor
If the agent is unable to resolve your query to your satisfaction, ask to speak to a supervisor and allow them the opportunity to resolve your issue before you submit a formal complaint. If you remain dissatisfied, then submit a formal complaint.
Step 3: Formal Complaint
Submit a formal complaint by post. Our Complaints Management Team, on behalf of the Vice President of Member Services, will receive your complaint. We aim to answer formal complaints within five working days of receipt.
Step 4: External Resolution
If you are not happy with the final outcome to your formal complaint, proposed by the Complaints Management team, you will have exhausted our internal complaints procedure and can seek an external resolution by contacting the Internet Service Providers Association, www.ispa.org.uk, on 0870 0500 710.
If you are still not happy, you can seek to refer the matter for independent adjudication. Your statutory rights are not affected and you can seek legal advice at your discretion.
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
AOL helpline can be patronising
Credit given where it is due at the botoom of this article!
My gripe is about the AOL helpline and how patronising and inflexible they are. I am a freelance computer engineer for home users by the way.
With other Internet service providers, when I speak to them on behalf of the customer, they get the message straight away that I know what I am talking about and they don't ask stupid questions. Alas this is not the case with AOL. I have to go through the whole rigmarole as if I don't know anything. For example, take the following conversation:
Me: Hi, I am an engineer speaking on behalf of the customer who is with me now. The customer has called me out to have a look at this problem. There is no broadband connection. We are using a router and there is no ADSL synchronisation because there's something wrong at the telephone exchange, please get BT to fix it.
AOL Helpline: Is the "i" light on the router flashing?
Me: Yes. The problem is being caused by the BT telephone exchange, so can you please report this as a fault to British Telecom.
AOL Helpline: What colour is it flashing?
Me: It is flashing amber and I know what that means, I have checked everything and there is a fault at the exchange.
AOL Helpline: Are you sure it's flashing?
With other ISPs, it's okay that they ask me questions about whether I put the bits and pieces in the right places. That's all right, because it's a helpful reminder. However the AOL helpline insists on taking me through baby steps all the way and it is quite infuriating.
Eventually it is possible to get through to the mythical AOL Second Level Support where there are people that start being properly helpful, hurrah!
As for AOL "Live Help", the AOL Live Help text chat operators have less authority and fewer tools than the helpline people. Anything non-trivial they just have to direct back to the helpline, whereupon there is the recorded message, "If you can get online, why not try AOL keyword: Live Help?"
AOL only helps with a few specific makes and models of connection equipment and everything else is "unsupported". So I have to carry a Netgear DG834 as it is one of the few routers that AOL will help with, even though any make and model is capable of working fine with AOL when set up correctly.
With AOL it is at least possible to get through to the helpline and to get broadband problems fixed. It's just that they ask a lot of basic questions and it all takes longer that I would like.
By: Phil
Source from the weekly gripe
To see more information on AOL complaints and help check out the rest of the site!
My gripe is about the AOL helpline and how patronising and inflexible they are. I am a freelance computer engineer for home users by the way.
With other Internet service providers, when I speak to them on behalf of the customer, they get the message straight away that I know what I am talking about and they don't ask stupid questions. Alas this is not the case with AOL. I have to go through the whole rigmarole as if I don't know anything. For example, take the following conversation:
Me: Hi, I am an engineer speaking on behalf of the customer who is with me now. The customer has called me out to have a look at this problem. There is no broadband connection. We are using a router and there is no ADSL synchronisation because there's something wrong at the telephone exchange, please get BT to fix it.
AOL Helpline: Is the "i" light on the router flashing?
Me: Yes. The problem is being caused by the BT telephone exchange, so can you please report this as a fault to British Telecom.
AOL Helpline: What colour is it flashing?
Me: It is flashing amber and I know what that means, I have checked everything and there is a fault at the exchange.
AOL Helpline: Are you sure it's flashing?
With other ISPs, it's okay that they ask me questions about whether I put the bits and pieces in the right places. That's all right, because it's a helpful reminder. However the AOL helpline insists on taking me through baby steps all the way and it is quite infuriating.
Eventually it is possible to get through to the mythical AOL Second Level Support where there are people that start being properly helpful, hurrah!
As for AOL "Live Help", the AOL Live Help text chat operators have less authority and fewer tools than the helpline people. Anything non-trivial they just have to direct back to the helpline, whereupon there is the recorded message, "If you can get online, why not try AOL keyword: Live Help?"
AOL only helps with a few specific makes and models of connection equipment and everything else is "unsupported". So I have to carry a Netgear DG834 as it is one of the few routers that AOL will help with, even though any make and model is capable of working fine with AOL when set up correctly.
With AOL it is at least possible to get through to the helpline and to get broadband problems fixed. It's just that they ask a lot of basic questions and it all takes longer that I would like.
By: Phil
Source from the weekly gripe
To see more information on AOL complaints and help check out the rest of the site!
Sunday, 7 June 2009
AOL Complaints Procedure - Official AOL Help: Step-by-step escalation process
Our step-by-step escalation process is designed to allow issues to be resolved as soon as possible, and to ensure that ownership and responsibility is taken by frontline agents as close to the source as possible.
If your problem is resolved before it becomes a formal complaint, you can rest assured that valuable feedback is still derived from your experience and is vital to the development of AOL. So you can make a difference even without making a formal complaint!
To ensure that your complaint is resolved, please follow this process. It is useful to keep a record of what representative you spoke to, when you spoke to them and what your perspective of the conversation was.
Step 1: Member Services
Call Member Services on 0870 3 20 20 20 to enable an appropriate agent to resolve your issue.
Step 2: Supervisor
If the agent is unable to resolve your query to your satisfaction, ask to speak to a supervisor and allow them the opportunity to resolve your issue before you submit a formal complaint. If you remain dissatisfied, then submit a formal complaint.
Step 3: Formal Complaint
Submit a formal complaint by post. Our Complaints Management Team, on behalf of the Vice President of Member Services, will receive your complaint. We aim to answer formal complaints within five working days of receipt.
Step 4: External Resolution
If you are not happy with the final outcome to your formal complaint, proposed by the Complaints Management team, you will have exhausted our internal complaints procedure and can seek an external resolution by contacting the Internet Service Providers Association, www.ispa.org.uk, on 0870 0500 710.
If you are still not happy, you can seek to refer the matter for independent adjudication. Your statutory rights are not affected and you can seek legal advice at your discretion.
to read this on the AOL website see
http://info.aol.co.uk/help/complaints/escalation_process.html
If your problem is resolved before it becomes a formal complaint, you can rest assured that valuable feedback is still derived from your experience and is vital to the development of AOL. So you can make a difference even without making a formal complaint!
To ensure that your complaint is resolved, please follow this process. It is useful to keep a record of what representative you spoke to, when you spoke to them and what your perspective of the conversation was.
Step 1: Member Services
Call Member Services on 0870 3 20 20 20 to enable an appropriate agent to resolve your issue.
Step 2: Supervisor
If the agent is unable to resolve your query to your satisfaction, ask to speak to a supervisor and allow them the opportunity to resolve your issue before you submit a formal complaint. If you remain dissatisfied, then submit a formal complaint.
Step 3: Formal Complaint
Submit a formal complaint by post. Our Complaints Management Team, on behalf of the Vice President of Member Services, will receive your complaint. We aim to answer formal complaints within five working days of receipt.
Step 4: External Resolution
If you are not happy with the final outcome to your formal complaint, proposed by the Complaints Management team, you will have exhausted our internal complaints procedure and can seek an external resolution by contacting the Internet Service Providers Association, www.ispa.org.uk, on 0870 0500 710.
If you are still not happy, you can seek to refer the matter for independent adjudication. Your statutory rights are not affected and you can seek legal advice at your discretion.
to read this on the AOL website see
http://info.aol.co.uk/help/complaints/escalation_process.html
Thursday, 3 April 2008
Plusnet - SKY rank top for customer satisfaction
As you can see from the image below Plusnet and SKY broadband rank top for customer satisfaction. You may also notice who comes bottom.
This list was taken from Uswitch.com
This list was taken from Uswitch.com
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
AOL COCKUP - A readers rant - are AOL reps really idiots.
Got this from a reader of the blog, her name is kelly and she is a AOL hater like me and you. This was her experience,...
"Sam,
my name is Kelly. I had been an AOL Silver Customer since Nov 2007. The usual Aol Silver up to 2megs.
They capped me but denied it at 576kbps (according to various engineers is a dead giveaway to AOL capping me at 512kbps). The speed never went up on or off peak.
My line quality and phone line length from my exchange is the type of line you'd get up to 16meg easily on.
I tried to ask for my MAC code to migrate to SKY Broadband. On the day I asked for it I was unaware that AOL ceased (canceled) and re provided a mass of people including my line from AOL Silver to AOL Silver provided by LLU (i.e: AOL's equipment in BT exchange not BT's equipment.
This mass cease and re provide caused my request of a MAC within 5 working days to fail.
When I rang five days later to see where my MAC was. AOL told me the rep had actually CEASED my broadband.
Which means instead of being off line for 2 hours max. I was looking to be off for 3 weeks.
Then the AOL marker was to come off my line 2 weeks later. The 12th of March came and went. I phoned BT Wholesale (the part of BT that controls broadband lines)they said that INDEED the AOL Silver had stopped and been removed from my line on the 12th of March.
And here's the unbelievable bit...AOl had then put their upgraded LLU version of Silver on my line later on the 12th of march.
This was the day I planned to call SKY to set up new broadband with them..old skool style...because I'd no MAC to give them.
So their was a new LLU service on my line. I phoned AOL. They denied they had a product on my line.
I rang BT Wholesale again. They said it was possible to be cheeky enough to get AOL to admit they had a product on my line. Once I'd prove that...I'd be able to ask for a MAC code for THAT new product.
How did i get AOL to finally admit they'd canceled my broadband only to put new product on my line stopping me from getting SKY?
I told them BT Wholesale told me. And there was no point lying to me as I would contact Ofcom.
AOL then got a supervisor (be it in Asia and 35minutes later) who said sorry...they had done a 'mass cease and re provide including my number'.
I asked them for my MAC. Checked with SKY and BT that it was real and valid...and ran like the wind away from AOL to SKY.
Remember people. If you are in contract with AOL...pay to get out of it. If your contract has finished....get the hell out of there. Do not resign to a new 18 month contract.
AOL do not to make contacting them easy. Not by AOL LIVE HELP. Not by the message boards they have and don't read.
The phone number may have gone from 0870 to 0844. But having someone who doesn't know about broadband...read from a script and tell me that everything at my end is wrong and it's never AOL's fault is just plain rubbish.
And this c**k up of a takeover from Carphone-warehouse with Talk Talk is the last straw."
Lets take another look..
"AOL told me the rep had actually CEASED my broadband."
Do AOL just emply any old chump to work or are they the worse half of the 1 in 2 people that graduate from american schools. Even then it may have been a foreign rep, at least they work hard but just dont understand what we want...!!!!!
"Sam,
my name is Kelly. I had been an AOL Silver Customer since Nov 2007. The usual Aol Silver up to 2megs.
They capped me but denied it at 576kbps (according to various engineers is a dead giveaway to AOL capping me at 512kbps). The speed never went up on or off peak.
My line quality and phone line length from my exchange is the type of line you'd get up to 16meg easily on.
I tried to ask for my MAC code to migrate to SKY Broadband. On the day I asked for it I was unaware that AOL ceased (canceled) and re provided a mass of people including my line from AOL Silver to AOL Silver provided by LLU (i.e: AOL's equipment in BT exchange not BT's equipment.
This mass cease and re provide caused my request of a MAC within 5 working days to fail.
When I rang five days later to see where my MAC was. AOL told me the rep had actually CEASED my broadband.
Which means instead of being off line for 2 hours max. I was looking to be off for 3 weeks.
Then the AOL marker was to come off my line 2 weeks later. The 12th of March came and went. I phoned BT Wholesale (the part of BT that controls broadband lines)they said that INDEED the AOL Silver had stopped and been removed from my line on the 12th of March.
And here's the unbelievable bit...AOl had then put their upgraded LLU version of Silver on my line later on the 12th of march.
This was the day I planned to call SKY to set up new broadband with them..old skool style...because I'd no MAC to give them.
So their was a new LLU service on my line. I phoned AOL. They denied they had a product on my line.
I rang BT Wholesale again. They said it was possible to be cheeky enough to get AOL to admit they had a product on my line. Once I'd prove that...I'd be able to ask for a MAC code for THAT new product.
How did i get AOL to finally admit they'd canceled my broadband only to put new product on my line stopping me from getting SKY?
I told them BT Wholesale told me. And there was no point lying to me as I would contact Ofcom.
AOL then got a supervisor (be it in Asia and 35minutes later) who said sorry...they had done a 'mass cease and re provide including my number'.
I asked them for my MAC. Checked with SKY and BT that it was real and valid...and ran like the wind away from AOL to SKY.
Remember people. If you are in contract with AOL...pay to get out of it. If your contract has finished....get the hell out of there. Do not resign to a new 18 month contract.
AOL do not to make contacting them easy. Not by AOL LIVE HELP. Not by the message boards they have and don't read.
The phone number may have gone from 0870 to 0844. But having someone who doesn't know about broadband...read from a script and tell me that everything at my end is wrong and it's never AOL's fault is just plain rubbish.
And this c**k up of a takeover from Carphone-warehouse with Talk Talk is the last straw."
Lets take another look..
"AOL told me the rep had actually CEASED my broadband."
Do AOL just emply any old chump to work or are they the worse half of the 1 in 2 people that graduate from american schools. Even then it may have been a foreign rep, at least they work hard but just dont understand what we want...!!!!!
AOL lies to users - Blocking emails from domains and denying it is lame.
Is Steve Case dancing while AOL burns? E-mail isn't being delivered from whitehouse.com, Ziff-Davis News reports -- and it isn't the first time. AOL has unilaterally stopped delivering e-mail from several domains in the past -- including internet services with thousands of users!
At best, it's a mistake. Since AOL's subscribers can't use Eudora or other powerful e-mail programs available to users with internet accounts, they have to rely on AOL to filter much of their spam. Sometimes AOL's judgment is flawed. One webmaster's lawyers reports AOL blocked his site's mail, and then denied that they were doing it!
This lax attitude -- and a pick-and-choose approach to e-mail delivery -- have left an underclass of on-line citizens. The New York Times reports that AOL has come to be known as the internet's lowest caste.
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
AOL SUCKS - A tale of anger and sarcasm
I have taken this from the following website CLICKYCLICKY
PLEASE also be aware this contains swearwords!
"Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to cancel America Online and the operator told me I couldn't because their computers were down? True story.
I fucking hate AOL.
I hate everything about it: from the executives, to the 'customer service' reps, to the people who use the service - I despise them all. Three years ago, I purchased my very first computer. Right after I had everything plugged in, I eagerly pulled out one of the many AOL CDs that had found their way into my mailbox. I had accumulated quite a collection over my technology impaired years. Prior to owning a computer, my only CD experiences had been with music and Sony PlayStation. Surely something fantastic was to be found on this disk. The packaging was bold, bright and encouraging. The label promised 500,000 free hours (or a month- whichever came first). I popped the CD into the machine... and there it was. The World Wide Web, in all of its glory. The computer said "Welcome", and I felt warm and fuzzy. The voice then told me that I had mail. Mail? I'd been online for 1 minute, and someone had already written to me! The written words of welcome from my brand new ISP brought a tear of joy to my eyes.
Everything I'd only heard about was there. Suddenly I was a member of that mysterious world of Internet users. I had been scared to join the masses because I knew nothing about these machines. But it was all so easy! And the legends were true: Chat rooms, instant messaging, e-mail, bulletin boards, games, and (of course) all of that porn! It was positively glorious!
For about a week.
I quickly became overwhelmed in a sea of spam. Then I unsuccessfully tried to use a "shortcut" on my desktop. Then I realized that chat rooms are really, really stupid. Then there were programs I wanted to run, but AOL seemed to be blocking it. Then when I wanted to sign off line, AOL would force me to remain on as it downloaded files the pop-up window claimed I needed. Then I grew weary of all of those ads! Then AOL called me at home to try and sell me a book that would improve my Internet experience. A week later, another AOL telemarketer tried to sell me long distance service. Then the same voice that had comforted me with my first "welcome" began to mock me with "goodbye" as I was repeatedly booted offline.
I downloaded another ISP for a free trial.
Oh MY what a lesson I learned.
It wasn't AOL that rocked- it was the INTERNET that did. It had been my belief for that first month of computer ownership that AOL was the Internet. (A delusion that the good people at America Online like their customers to hold on to.) It quickly became apparent that there exists a great online experience, and that cannot be found surfing on AOL.
But they make you call to cancel.
You can sign up electronically; but in order to get out, they make you talk to a human being.
That's when my Hotel California experience began.
I had some warning from a friend. Meaning she had told me months prior that she had "tried" to cancel her AOL. I asked what she meant by "tried". She said they wouldn't let her. She had tried explaining to the representative that she was no longer even going to have a computer, and he kept throwing free months at her. She ended the conversation with 3 more free months of a service she couldn't even use.
I was braced for the sales pitch when I called to cancel (the entire reason they make you call). I was determined that my call would end with me no longer being a subscriber to their shitty Internet service. I am woman, hear me roar.
I was successful, but not without a fight.
The conversation felt like I was talking to someone at Disney World. They must go to the same training camps. Everything I said - no matter how sarcastic or unpleasant - was responded to with sunshine and daisies. She asked why I wanted to cancel my account, I told her AOL sucked. She said she was very sorry that I felt that way, and asked if I could please be more specific about the nature of my dissatisfaction. I told her my problems with the service were to numerous to address, but at that moment my biggest complaint was that "I no longer require your service" wasn't good enough reason for her. She told me that of course my reason was good enough, but that they wanted to take every opportunity they could to improve the online experience for all their customers. I wanted to bitch slap this stranger through the phone. Then if felt like a game, she became similar to a guard at Buckingham Palace. But I didn't want to make her to smile, I wanted her to flip out and tell me off.
I didn't succeed in getting her to swear at me - but at least my account was canceled.
Fast Forward 3 years.
My computer got a virus. That lovely klez that seems to be making the rounds. I lost everything. I was busily reinstalling all of my programs, but I realized I didn't have my Earthlink installation CD. I could download it from the Internet... but how to get online? Well ... due to the fact that AOL free trial software comes installed on every piece of computer equipment and software bought or pirated in this country, the aggravating icon sat on my desktop, begging for me to give it a click.
I was desperate. I went through the motions of AOL's installation. I knew that a credit card was required to get the free month, but I tried to get around having to enter one. I used a fake last name as I went from screen to screen, and I entered a fictitious address. But eventually came the screen that wanted a credit card number. I tried "other ways to pay", and was shown a long list of credit cards that are all AOL compliant (including Sears?). There was no other payment option buttons after that. So I clicked "Cancel", and figured I'd come back. It is only upon clicking cancel that you find the top secret payment options. Apparently they really, really don't want you to not sign up. Only the utterly disinterested (or credit card lacking) get to know about charging phone bills, or the tantalizing "bill me later". I selected "bill me later", just to see what happened. I quickly canceled out of that when I realized it was a hassle. A week later I got a letter informing me that I'd been rejected for that billing option (strangely enough, to my correct name and address).
Screw it, I entered a credit card.
My IQ dropped 20 points the moment I heard the "welcome". I entered a chat room for old times sake. Once again I was dumbfounded that people consider that nonsense to be entertainment. My IQ plummeted another 10 points.
I downloaded my Earthlink software... and then I fled AOL with any intelligence I had left.
A few weeks later I got around to canceling (before I would be billed). I braced myself, and I called the number specifically listed for "cancellations". Keeping in mind that the operator knows full well that any incoming calls on that line want to CANCEL their service, the telephone greeting was humorous. "Thank you for choosing America Online, this is (I didn't care what his name was) speaking, how may I help you have an even better online experience today?"
I didn't give the answer that I wanted to - "Go work for Earthlink", instead I told him I wanted to cancel.
He was very disappointed to hear that (said with every bit of the sincerity of American Idol runner-up Justin Big Hair). But he told me he could certainly help me (yeah right). I gave him my screen name, I told him my real name. Hmmmm... there was a problem. The last name didn't match. I suddenly remembered the falsified information that I had entered when I signed on. Unfortunately, I couldn't recall who the hell I said I was. I offered my credit card number instead. He found me that way. But we hit another snag when the addresses didn't mesh. I explained I had no idea why it was different, but this is me, this is my credit card, and I needed him to cancel the account.
"Yeah, um, that's not going to happen". Just like that, that's what he said to me. That's not going to happen. He was giving me two free months. I told him I didn't need free months of a service I didn't want. He told me he was trying to help me. I said if he wanted to help me, then cancel me. He told me he couldn't, and he was only giving me free months out of "the goodness of his heart". Puhleeze! The janitor of the building is authorized to pick up the phone and give people free months. It is the very first line of defense in preventing people from canceling. He told me he absolutely couldn't cancel me because I couldn't verify my address. No, I explained, YOU can't verify my address, I know exactly where I'm sitting.
I have learned something about customer service reps (especially those being recorded). They will stay on the phone with you NO MATTER WHAT, as long as you don't swear. As soon as a "fuck" escapes your lips, they'll hang up in your face, but you can say anything else and they'll stay on the line.
I was clearly frustrated at this point. But it got even worse. He then needed to find out exactly why I didn't want to stay with AOL. I told him honestly that it was the worst experience I have had, not only with an ISP, but with any kind of service ever. He began to try and pull more out of me, and I stated that I definitely wanted to cancel, there was no talking me out of it. He then called me Ma'am, and made me out to be the asshole because he "wasn't trying to do that". It's like the guy who's clearly asking you out, and you try to let him down nicely. Men facing this type of rejection all have the same knee jerk reaction. Suddenly he will insist that he wasn't asking you out anyway, you cunt. Mr. AOL Rep insisted he was only asking in order to better serve their customers in the future. Yeah, well, I don't fucking like you, so why should I have any interest in helping you improve your future dating action?
I asked why my screen name, password, and credit card number weren't sufficient to cancel. He told me it was for my own protection. I said if he was really interested in my protection why was I able to create an account with a credit card that didn't match either the name or the address being used? He told me they had 34 million customers. Yeah, but how many millions of those are still trying to cancel? People create accounts for other people all the time, names and addresses don't always match the billing information associated with the credit card.
In order to cancel I needed to log back onto America Online and change my billing information. That's when he started talking to me like a moron. He told me to sign on to AOL, and in the box labeled keyword at the top of the page, type in "billing". I asked him how to spell that.
What if my credit card number was stolen? What if I was calling because someone somewhere created an account using my credit card? Would I need to call the thief and tell him to change the address in his account information so I could cancel? No, he explained, in that case he would transfer me to their fraud department, and they'd cancel the account that way. There was a moment's pause as he anticipated my thought. But, he gloated, I'd already told him it's a legitimate account. Check.
I explained to Mr. AOL that I really didn't want to have to sign back on to America Online- ever again. And I definitely didn't want to have to call back. He told me there were other ways to cancel, and I could find those by typing "cancel" into the magic box he had mentioned earlier.
I was defeated. He had won. I said nothing.
He took the opportunity to end the call. "Thanks for calling Amy, and you have an excellent day." Checkmate.
I sat stupefied by his cheeriness.
"You have no idea how much I am beginning to LOATHE AOL."
I did as I was told, and I made the appropriate changes. A week later, I successfully canceled my account.
I hope AOL writes that man a nice big fat "thwarted cancellation attempt" bonus check this month. I am confident that part of every employee's performance review is an examination of the percentage of calls taken that actually result in a cancelled account.
Mother fuckers."
Albteit that this was a little bit of her fault it brings up some interesting faults with the AOL system.
Hope you enjoyed and ill be posting soon!
PLEASE also be aware this contains swearwords!
"Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to cancel America Online and the operator told me I couldn't because their computers were down? True story.
I fucking hate AOL.
I hate everything about it: from the executives, to the 'customer service' reps, to the people who use the service - I despise them all. Three years ago, I purchased my very first computer. Right after I had everything plugged in, I eagerly pulled out one of the many AOL CDs that had found their way into my mailbox. I had accumulated quite a collection over my technology impaired years. Prior to owning a computer, my only CD experiences had been with music and Sony PlayStation. Surely something fantastic was to be found on this disk. The packaging was bold, bright and encouraging. The label promised 500,000 free hours (or a month- whichever came first). I popped the CD into the machine... and there it was. The World Wide Web, in all of its glory. The computer said "Welcome", and I felt warm and fuzzy. The voice then told me that I had mail. Mail? I'd been online for 1 minute, and someone had already written to me! The written words of welcome from my brand new ISP brought a tear of joy to my eyes.
Everything I'd only heard about was there. Suddenly I was a member of that mysterious world of Internet users. I had been scared to join the masses because I knew nothing about these machines. But it was all so easy! And the legends were true: Chat rooms, instant messaging, e-mail, bulletin boards, games, and (of course) all of that porn! It was positively glorious!
For about a week.
I quickly became overwhelmed in a sea of spam. Then I unsuccessfully tried to use a "shortcut" on my desktop. Then I realized that chat rooms are really, really stupid. Then there were programs I wanted to run, but AOL seemed to be blocking it. Then when I wanted to sign off line, AOL would force me to remain on as it downloaded files the pop-up window claimed I needed. Then I grew weary of all of those ads! Then AOL called me at home to try and sell me a book that would improve my Internet experience. A week later, another AOL telemarketer tried to sell me long distance service. Then the same voice that had comforted me with my first "welcome" began to mock me with "goodbye" as I was repeatedly booted offline.
I downloaded another ISP for a free trial.
Oh MY what a lesson I learned.
It wasn't AOL that rocked- it was the INTERNET that did. It had been my belief for that first month of computer ownership that AOL was the Internet. (A delusion that the good people at America Online like their customers to hold on to.) It quickly became apparent that there exists a great online experience, and that cannot be found surfing on AOL.
But they make you call to cancel.
You can sign up electronically; but in order to get out, they make you talk to a human being.
That's when my Hotel California experience began.
I had some warning from a friend. Meaning she had told me months prior that she had "tried" to cancel her AOL. I asked what she meant by "tried". She said they wouldn't let her. She had tried explaining to the representative that she was no longer even going to have a computer, and he kept throwing free months at her. She ended the conversation with 3 more free months of a service she couldn't even use.
I was braced for the sales pitch when I called to cancel (the entire reason they make you call). I was determined that my call would end with me no longer being a subscriber to their shitty Internet service. I am woman, hear me roar.
I was successful, but not without a fight.
The conversation felt like I was talking to someone at Disney World. They must go to the same training camps. Everything I said - no matter how sarcastic or unpleasant - was responded to with sunshine and daisies. She asked why I wanted to cancel my account, I told her AOL sucked. She said she was very sorry that I felt that way, and asked if I could please be more specific about the nature of my dissatisfaction. I told her my problems with the service were to numerous to address, but at that moment my biggest complaint was that "I no longer require your service" wasn't good enough reason for her. She told me that of course my reason was good enough, but that they wanted to take every opportunity they could to improve the online experience for all their customers. I wanted to bitch slap this stranger through the phone. Then if felt like a game, she became similar to a guard at Buckingham Palace. But I didn't want to make her to smile, I wanted her to flip out and tell me off.
I didn't succeed in getting her to swear at me - but at least my account was canceled.
Fast Forward 3 years.
My computer got a virus. That lovely klez that seems to be making the rounds. I lost everything. I was busily reinstalling all of my programs, but I realized I didn't have my Earthlink installation CD. I could download it from the Internet... but how to get online? Well ... due to the fact that AOL free trial software comes installed on every piece of computer equipment and software bought or pirated in this country, the aggravating icon sat on my desktop, begging for me to give it a click.
I was desperate. I went through the motions of AOL's installation. I knew that a credit card was required to get the free month, but I tried to get around having to enter one. I used a fake last name as I went from screen to screen, and I entered a fictitious address. But eventually came the screen that wanted a credit card number. I tried "other ways to pay", and was shown a long list of credit cards that are all AOL compliant (including Sears?). There was no other payment option buttons after that. So I clicked "Cancel", and figured I'd come back. It is only upon clicking cancel that you find the top secret payment options. Apparently they really, really don't want you to not sign up. Only the utterly disinterested (or credit card lacking) get to know about charging phone bills, or the tantalizing "bill me later". I selected "bill me later", just to see what happened. I quickly canceled out of that when I realized it was a hassle. A week later I got a letter informing me that I'd been rejected for that billing option (strangely enough, to my correct name and address).
Screw it, I entered a credit card.
My IQ dropped 20 points the moment I heard the "welcome". I entered a chat room for old times sake. Once again I was dumbfounded that people consider that nonsense to be entertainment. My IQ plummeted another 10 points.
I downloaded my Earthlink software... and then I fled AOL with any intelligence I had left.
A few weeks later I got around to canceling (before I would be billed). I braced myself, and I called the number specifically listed for "cancellations". Keeping in mind that the operator knows full well that any incoming calls on that line want to CANCEL their service, the telephone greeting was humorous. "Thank you for choosing America Online, this is (I didn't care what his name was) speaking, how may I help you have an even better online experience today?"
I didn't give the answer that I wanted to - "Go work for Earthlink", instead I told him I wanted to cancel.
He was very disappointed to hear that (said with every bit of the sincerity of American Idol runner-up Justin Big Hair). But he told me he could certainly help me (yeah right). I gave him my screen name, I told him my real name. Hmmmm... there was a problem. The last name didn't match. I suddenly remembered the falsified information that I had entered when I signed on. Unfortunately, I couldn't recall who the hell I said I was. I offered my credit card number instead. He found me that way. But we hit another snag when the addresses didn't mesh. I explained I had no idea why it was different, but this is me, this is my credit card, and I needed him to cancel the account.
"Yeah, um, that's not going to happen". Just like that, that's what he said to me. That's not going to happen. He was giving me two free months. I told him I didn't need free months of a service I didn't want. He told me he was trying to help me. I said if he wanted to help me, then cancel me. He told me he couldn't, and he was only giving me free months out of "the goodness of his heart". Puhleeze! The janitor of the building is authorized to pick up the phone and give people free months. It is the very first line of defense in preventing people from canceling. He told me he absolutely couldn't cancel me because I couldn't verify my address. No, I explained, YOU can't verify my address, I know exactly where I'm sitting.
I have learned something about customer service reps (especially those being recorded). They will stay on the phone with you NO MATTER WHAT, as long as you don't swear. As soon as a "fuck" escapes your lips, they'll hang up in your face, but you can say anything else and they'll stay on the line.
I was clearly frustrated at this point. But it got even worse. He then needed to find out exactly why I didn't want to stay with AOL. I told him honestly that it was the worst experience I have had, not only with an ISP, but with any kind of service ever. He began to try and pull more out of me, and I stated that I definitely wanted to cancel, there was no talking me out of it. He then called me Ma'am, and made me out to be the asshole because he "wasn't trying to do that". It's like the guy who's clearly asking you out, and you try to let him down nicely. Men facing this type of rejection all have the same knee jerk reaction. Suddenly he will insist that he wasn't asking you out anyway, you cunt. Mr. AOL Rep insisted he was only asking in order to better serve their customers in the future. Yeah, well, I don't fucking like you, so why should I have any interest in helping you improve your future dating action?
I asked why my screen name, password, and credit card number weren't sufficient to cancel. He told me it was for my own protection. I said if he was really interested in my protection why was I able to create an account with a credit card that didn't match either the name or the address being used? He told me they had 34 million customers. Yeah, but how many millions of those are still trying to cancel? People create accounts for other people all the time, names and addresses don't always match the billing information associated with the credit card.
In order to cancel I needed to log back onto America Online and change my billing information. That's when he started talking to me like a moron. He told me to sign on to AOL, and in the box labeled keyword at the top of the page, type in "billing". I asked him how to spell that.
What if my credit card number was stolen? What if I was calling because someone somewhere created an account using my credit card? Would I need to call the thief and tell him to change the address in his account information so I could cancel? No, he explained, in that case he would transfer me to their fraud department, and they'd cancel the account that way. There was a moment's pause as he anticipated my thought. But, he gloated, I'd already told him it's a legitimate account. Check.
I explained to Mr. AOL that I really didn't want to have to sign back on to America Online- ever again. And I definitely didn't want to have to call back. He told me there were other ways to cancel, and I could find those by typing "cancel" into the magic box he had mentioned earlier.
I was defeated. He had won. I said nothing.
He took the opportunity to end the call. "Thanks for calling Amy, and you have an excellent day." Checkmate.
I sat stupefied by his cheeriness.
"You have no idea how much I am beginning to LOATHE AOL."
I did as I was told, and I made the appropriate changes. A week later, I successfully canceled my account.
I hope AOL writes that man a nice big fat "thwarted cancellation attempt" bonus check this month. I am confident that part of every employee's performance review is an examination of the percentage of calls taken that actually result in a cancelled account.
Mother fuckers."
Albteit that this was a little bit of her fault it brings up some interesting faults with the AOL system.
Hope you enjoyed and ill be posting soon!
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